Jagermeister and Gwar

How many people can say they have a HUGE Jagermeister flag signed by members of Gwar hanging in their living room?

team*josh can:


Where's TEAM*JESS's Jager flag?

Gotta Park Somewhere

So I grew out of my old garage and built a new one. Here it is!


Any TEAM*JESS member is officially UNinvited to come check out the garage! losers.

Be a Movie Star

So my friend is casting people to play extras in a movie. I'm not Hollywood, but I think that means you will have an extra special role in the film. Either way some of the movie will be filmed in a bar. Which means you get to spend 8 hours in a bar with little to do except wait for your turn in front of the camera. Sounds like fun to me!

Here's the info:
We are seeking people of all types, 21 and over to beextras in the SAG independent movie “Regular Joe.”The movie is set to film June 24 through July 30 invarious metro locations (Minneapolis). Anyone interested in beingan extra should email katibatch_AT_yahoo.com, please put“Regular Joe extra” in subject line. Include yourname, telephone, email address, and age. There is no monetary compensation, but you will receive copy and credit, meals will be provided.

p.s. For you TEAM*JESS members: change the _AT_ to @ when you send the email. idiots.

TEAM*JESS in cahoots with the Sith!

Captian Spaulding has something to say about TEAM*JESS

Here's a Tip. Not that I have a choice.

Ok, here's what I don't get. A group of people goes to a bar. The beer lady is really slow and being bitchy. Everyone at the table complains about the service. Yet when the bill comes, everyone leaves a tip.

Maybe I'm just confused about the whole concept of tipping, but isn't tipping what you do when you want to reward someone for doing a good job? So why is it when someone does a shitty job, they still get tipped? The only tip they should be getting is, "get out of the service industry". Even someone does an average job, they get a tip. So basically no matter how good or bad of a job you do, you'll get a tip.

So why not just include the tip in the bill and raise the hourly wage of the server? That way the customer can reward the servers who are doing a great job by giving them a tip.

In my perfect world this is how servers would get compensated:
-Bad Server: minimum wage and about to be unemployed.
-Average Server: fair market wage.
-Good Server: fair market wage + tips.

Oh and if it's $5 for a bottle of Mich Golden Draft Light, the tip is included in the price of the beer. Fuck you.

Ways To Save Money

In the financially hard times, we need to come up with ways to save money around the office.

Here are some ideas.....

• pay toilets - .25 to pee .50 to poop (campaign slogan ---- pay to poop)
• put a hole in the top of the water cooler – at the end of the day instead of watering the plants just dump the water back into the water cooler.
• Turn off lights and use flashlights or candles.
• When at cub, the doctors office etc. take pens or what ever is available to stock our supply room

Please let me know if there are any other suggestions

Don't Spam Me!

Background: I'm our class president and our 10 year is this year and have been working on the planning of the reunion. Ok, So I get this email today:

Greetings Hutchison Class of 96!
My name is Spam Lady with Reunion Makers, Inc.
Can you believe it’s been 10 years since you walked the halls of Hutchison High? Its reunion time and Reunion Makers would like to help!
To get started is very simple. We need alumni for the Spirit Committee and someone to spearhead the effort. If you are interested in either of these opportunities, please contact me directly. My toll free number is 800-555-5555 or my e-mail address is Removed for privacy@reunionmakers.com. The person who volunteers to be our official contact will be compensated with two (2) complimentary tickets to the Reunion Makers event and a free Gold Membership to Classmates.com. This package is valued at approximately $300.00.
Reunion Makers is a full service planning company and will handle every detail without taking the control away from you. What does that mean? We will do all of the time consuming work, while you make all of the fun decisions (i.e. where and when to have the event, what food is served, what songs are played, etc.). You will also have the choice of letting us coordinate one event (usually banquet style) or making a weekend of it and letting us plan a Friday Night Mixer and a Saturday Night Banquet. We do this for no money upfront. We make our money exclusively off of ticket sales, which means we are highly motivated to get as many people as possible there. For more information about the services we provide, contact me directly. Again, the toll free number is 800-555-5555 and my e-mail address is Removed for privacy@reunionmakers.com.
We look forward to hearing from you.

I immediately reply:

We are already planning our reunion and would appreciate it if you would send out a 2nd email to all the people from Huchinson High School Class of '96 telling them that the reunion is being planned already and if they have any questions to email me.

Also, any further email regaurding reunion should be approved by me before being sent out to my class. We do not appreciate spam!

Thank you,
RJoe
Class President

Also at that time I sent out an email to all my classmates:

Hey Class! I just got this spam from some bitch and wanted to let everyone know it's bull shit.

Then approximately an hour later an email sent to my classmates again from Spam Lady:

Greetings Hutchinson Class of 96!

Reunion Makers would like to apologize for any confusion our previous marketing e-mail may have caused. We were trying to get a jump start on the 2006 reunion season, but the dedicated members of your class beat us to it!

There is already an event being planned for your 10 year reunion. RJoe, class president is already in the planning stages of your reunion. RJoe's e-mail address is RessurectionJoe@mn.rr.com

Again, we apologize for any confusion our previous e-mail has caused and wish your class the very best at your upcoming reunion.

LMAO!!! How about that?! There was actually a response from Spam Lady sent out to what I would beleive is my whole class. I have a renewed sense of hope for the world.

Another thing that was nice about this is that she most likely sent the email to everyone registered at classmates.com I bunch of addresses I previously didn't have access too since our high school has it's own alumni site (http://www.hutchtigeralumni.com).

I Need a Gay Sugar Daddy

yep, you read that right, I need a gay sugar daddy. Someone to fund my various endevors. Like if I need a case of beer, he could buy it for me. Or if I was hungry, he could buy me a pizza. Or if I wanted a new motorcycle, he could buy it for me. How awesome would that be. Never to worry about finances again. If I need something, I could just ask my gay sugar daddy to get it for me.

Which makes me think of the other thing I need in my life. A pregnant wife (I'm not sure how I could keep her in a perpetual state of pregnancy, but some smart doctor might). Yeah, someone to bring me to the bar and sober cab me home. If she wanted to hang out while I was at the bar it would be optional. It's not like I'm going to tell my sober cab to leave and come back when I'm hamnerd.

Life would be perfect with these two people by my side. Just think someone to buy you beer and someone to drive you home after you've had too much. Well, except for the whole gay thing. And a wife isn't exactly on my to-do list either.

Simplify Your Life

Have you ever went to one of those Chinese Buffets, then at the end of the meal, when your bill comes, they give you a fortune cookie? Yeah it's a magic time in a person's life. There sitting before you is a cookie with a tiny piece of paper inside that holds your fortune!

Recently, something amazing happened to me. I got the same fortune twice. Yeah, no kidding. The exact words 2 separate cookies. What, don't believe me? Here's photographic evidence:

So this obviously must be a sign from the Cookie Gods. So I started to think about it. In many ways I have tried to live a simple life and the rewards have been great. Take for example my hair. It used to be somewhat longer. Well one day I was out playing Basket Ball with my bro and my hair kept getting in my eyes. So I went in the house and shaved it off. I shaved it off for a simple reason, by the benefits soon became much more aparent. I no longer had to comb my hair in the morning. Meaning I could sleep in longer, When I wore my stocking cap I didn't have to make sure all my hair was underneat it and not sticking out in some odd way, I went through less shampoo. All of these things make life so much easier and all because I simplified my life by cutting my hair.

Another example. Do you ever go to someone's house and see a lot of dishes, silverware, etc. piled up by the sink? There's an easy solution to that problem. Simplify your life. Only have 1 plate, 1 fork, 1 spoon, 1 etc. Then whenever your done making and eating the meal, simply wash the 1 set of stuff you have and you're done. I garuntee you'll never have a pile of dishes ever again. A great reward for simplifing your life.

This fortune can even relate to some of the more complicated things in life, like relationships. Think about it. What's the simplest? Don't be in a relationship. Remember back when you were a young kid growing up watching cartoons? Remember how simple life was back then? What's the difference between then and now? One of the big things is as people grow older they introduce a foreign element in to thier lives. A significant other. Now not only do they have to take care of themselves, they have to watch their back so as they take care of themselves they don't piss the thier significant other off, all while at the same time taking care of someone else. Basically it creates a whole shitload of problems. Which leads us to 1 conclusion. If you simplify your life by not being in a relationship, you will have a lot less problems and therefore be rewared with a lot more time to watch cartoons.

Life is simple, it's the choices we make that complicate it.