Simplify Your Life

Have you ever went to one of those Chinese Buffets, then at the end of the meal, when your bill comes, they give you a fortune cookie? Yeah it's a magic time in a person's life. There sitting before you is a cookie with a tiny piece of paper inside that holds your fortune!

Recently, something amazing happened to me. I got the same fortune twice. Yeah, no kidding. The exact words 2 separate cookies. What, don't believe me? Here's photographic evidence:

So this obviously must be a sign from the Cookie Gods. So I started to think about it. In many ways I have tried to live a simple life and the rewards have been great. Take for example my hair. It used to be somewhat longer. Well one day I was out playing Basket Ball with my bro and my hair kept getting in my eyes. So I went in the house and shaved it off. I shaved it off for a simple reason, by the benefits soon became much more aparent. I no longer had to comb my hair in the morning. Meaning I could sleep in longer, When I wore my stocking cap I didn't have to make sure all my hair was underneat it and not sticking out in some odd way, I went through less shampoo. All of these things make life so much easier and all because I simplified my life by cutting my hair.

Another example. Do you ever go to someone's house and see a lot of dishes, silverware, etc. piled up by the sink? There's an easy solution to that problem. Simplify your life. Only have 1 plate, 1 fork, 1 spoon, 1 etc. Then whenever your done making and eating the meal, simply wash the 1 set of stuff you have and you're done. I garuntee you'll never have a pile of dishes ever again. A great reward for simplifing your life.

This fortune can even relate to some of the more complicated things in life, like relationships. Think about it. What's the simplest? Don't be in a relationship. Remember back when you were a young kid growing up watching cartoons? Remember how simple life was back then? What's the difference between then and now? One of the big things is as people grow older they introduce a foreign element in to thier lives. A significant other. Now not only do they have to take care of themselves, they have to watch their back so as they take care of themselves they don't piss the thier significant other off, all while at the same time taking care of someone else. Basically it creates a whole shitload of problems. Which leads us to 1 conclusion. If you simplify your life by not being in a relationship, you will have a lot less problems and therefore be rewared with a lot more time to watch cartoons.

Life is simple, it's the choices we make that complicate it.

V Day Bullshit

Yeah, so I've pretty much had enough of this crap. This has got to be the worst holiday of all holidays. Now if you can keep up with this rant, great, if you can't tough shit.

• In theory it's a day for a couple to celebrate their love, but it's become a day when the females get pampered, wined and dined. Since when does love mean that the male has to spend money, time and energy on his companion? It should be a day where both spend equal amounts of time, money and energy on each other. It's getting to be more lopsided than weddings.
• Think about it, what's the color of the holiday? Pink. How many guys you know like the color pink? How many girls like pink? Case closed it's a female's holiday.
• Since I'm on this issue anyway. How many times have you heard the expression "her special day" when someone is talking about a wedding? Total bullshit. It should be "their special day".
• It makes some who are not in relationships lonely. Ok, so now not only do they have to deal with the everyday pressure society has put on them, but now they have to go through a whole holiday season that emphasizes it. Who the fuck ever decided you have to be in a relationship to be happy anyway? In everything I've experienced, seen and heard the relationship will never work if both individuals aren't happy with themselves. With all this pressure to hurry into relationships, no wonder so many people get divorced. People have to live with themselves before they can live with others.

In conclusion Valentines Day is the worst holiday evar!

Disclaimer: This post was written with the assumption of a heterosexual relationship. If you are in a homosexual relationship, replace the feminine words with their masculine equivalents or vise versa.

Superbowl Monday

We as a country need to come together and pass a bill stating that Superbowl Monday will now be recognized as a national holiday.

How many people watch the Superbowl? 10 kajillion? Well, I'd venture to guess that 90% of those who watch the Superbowl would like to have the day after off. The day off would allow everyone to beable to enjoy the Superbowl more because they wouldn't have to worry about getting up for work the next day, the drive home after the party has ended or the inevidable hangover all day at work.

We could also use this holiday to celebrate sports and thier place in American History. Just like Christmas is filled with Christmas Joy and Thanksgiving is filled with turkey, Superbowl Monday could be filled with sports and the activity of sports. They say everyone's too fat these days, well here's a holiday which promotes getting up off the couch and onto a field.

Ok some critics say we already have too many holidays, we don't need any more. Ok, fine. Get rid of Columbus day. It's a horse shit holiday anyway. Hell, Columbus didn't even discover America. All he did was take a wrong turn on the way to India. Let's get rid of a holiday that makes no sense and replace it with Superbowl Monday a holiday that makes perfect sense.

I encourage everyone to contact their congressional representative, local newspaper, TV stations and that guy who's always yelling shit on the corner and get the word out. Superbowl Monday the newest national holiday!!!

Hey Dipshit you got something in your ear

We've all seen these morons walking down the street. They're the ones who are always occupied with things going on anywhere other than where they are. They're the kind of people who have that Borg like bluetooth cordless headset on their head at all times.

Not only are we so damn busy we NEED to talk to someone NOW, but now we're too lazy to even hold a phone up to our ear. Soon they will develop a "hands-free" headset that is implanted just under the skin of our ear which will directly connect to our brain. Then our assimilation into the collective will be complete.

We as a society need to hang up the phone and take a look around. There's so much going on in our environment, only most are too busy jaw flapping on the phone to notice. Try this, leave your cell phone at home one day and see how much of the world you notice. You might just like it.

Get ready to ROCK!!!

with Guitar Hero

Yeah this game fucking rocks!!! I haven't had this much fun playing a video game since I bought the fishing controller for Dreamcast. If you are a hard core gamer or not, this game is definately one you have to at least give a try. Everyone who's been over to play it loves it and wants to come over and play it again.

Do yourself a favor, get this game, strap up and rock out!!!

Soup Spoon vs. Regular Spoon

Is this even a battle? There's no way that a regular spoon could even compare to a soup spoon. Soup spoons are sooooo much better than a regular spoon I don't even know why they still make regular spoons. A soup spoon can do everything just as good as a regular spoon and in some cases it can even do it better. Think about it. What do you use a spoon for? Cereal? You can get a bigger and better scoop with a soup spoon. What about stuff like mashed potatoes or corn? A soup spoon is the better choice because if the ease of scooping motion. Ice Cream? Soup spoon. Don't even make me mention soup and how the soup spoon was made for eating that.

The bottom line is that the regular spoon will never even compare to the soup spoon. They aren't even in the same league.

The coming and going of age

You finally turn 28
no girl so you still masterbate
nothings changed but your underwear
and even that might be rare
the game with no end they call everquest
in that chair you've made your nest
another year you've turned an age
your belly looks like it can be checked with a gauge
the older you get the smarter you ain't
i remember the younger schlueter he was a saint
the devilman you've become you created a demon
you think your the smartest guy I know, awake you be dreamin
for you are closer to the end then the beginnin
for the race of life you are not winnin

-Randy Lee

Bus Ridin' Bitches

If you've ever rode the bus, you'll know what I'm talking about here.

Busses are set up with 4 seats in every row. 2 on 1 side 2 on the other. This leaves an inside and outside seat on each side. Now if you want to find a bus ridin bitch it's easy. She's the bitch who sits on the inside seat with noone in the ouside seat. Why she doesn't scoot her stuck up ass to the outside seat so that others who get on after her can sit in that seat is beyond me. It's like she's scared of people or something. Well then why in the hell is she on public transportation? If you ride public transportation and are scared to sit next to someone, you'd better re-evaluate your life choices. Because you are some stupid sob.

I've always wanted to be that guy who asks to sit in the outside seat and make her stand up, move over and let you through. Take that bus ridin bitch!

Enlighten Others

I have created a web forum for team*josh to begin continue our world domination.

If you have something to say here's the place to say it.

http://sadistikal.10.forumer.com/viewforum.php?f=1

Schluetertoberfest Challange

team*josh has issued a challange to TEAM*JESS. team*josh will be able to drink more beer at thier Schluetertoberfest than TEAM*JESS at their Schluetertoberfest.

This will prove the superiority of team*josh and once again put TEAM*JESS to shame.

more updates to come after the humiliaion of TEAM*JESS...

Once again TEAM*JESS was put in it's place as the team*josh Schluetoberfest was a hell of a time. This will have to become a yearly tradition, hopefully TEAM*JESS will be around long enough to see the next Schluetoberfest.