Thursday, November 29, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Finally put up my tree at work!

My tree even has lights this year!!!

Decorations include: green Bat, Piston from a small engine, landscaping spike, Jagermeister bottle, glow in the dark skull, corona ornament, red pine cone and candy cane. It's all topped off with a home made star! Some of the things hanging out near the tree are a white elephant, The Grinch and a pair of lederhosen that hop around.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

National Bitch Day

In honor of TEAM*JESS, I would like to formally declare November 8th as National Bitch Day. This day will be honored by celebrating the bitches in our lives.

That one person at work who's always in a bad mood. Today is the day you walk by and say, "Hi! Happy Bitch Day!" The cashier who has never once smiled or tried to be nice, "Good morning, Happy Bitch Day!" I have a feeling Snoop will be a busy man today. "Happizzle Biatch Day!" He's got tons of bitches. I also think that this will be a big day in the homosexual communities. Lots of bitches there. "You Bitch! Happy Bitch Day!"

So get out there and enjoy the bitches that make our lives exciting and miserable all at once! This is their day so let them have it!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Some Things Should NEVER Happen!

Just as a parent should never have to bury their child. There are a few things in everyone's life that should never happen. This weekend one of those things happened to me. The bar I frequent closed it doors for the last time. The bar where I've spent the past few years for happy hour has shut down. The bar where I've spent countless hours deveoping relationships with some great people is no longer in business.

Old Chicago in Downtown Minneapolis is gone. My name will no longer be on the wall at a bar. 4 tours will be all I complete. The only consolation is that I got our mug.

On the mug you will see 4 plaques from me and 2 other regulars at happy hour and 1 each from 2 who join us whenever possible. All together representing over 1500 beers drank. The mug also has the signatures of all the people we got to know over the years. Of all the things I'm going to miss at Old Chicago, I will definately miss the people the most. They're the ones turned going to happy hour after work from a good time into a great time!

RIP Old Chicago

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The SOB Hit Me!

So, I'm just hanging out at home on a friday night when I get a phone call. It's my bud. The vehicle he's in broke down about a mile down the road at a gas station from my house. So, I figure what the heck, I'll go help him out.

My roommate lets me use his new truck to head down there. I pull in to the gas station and notice a white Cadillac Escalade pull into a parking spot rather quickly. "dude must be in a hurry to get a pack of smokes" I think. Then I proceed to drive behind him on my way to where my bud is. Then all of the sudden the Escalade's back up lights come on and the dude driving HAMMERS on the gas. I tried to accelerate past him quick, but to no avail, SMACK right in the back of the new truck.

My bud, his bro and their friend were all witnesses along with some guy at a gas pump who came over and told me,"I saw the whole thing, let me know if you need anything."

Got the info from the Escalade and my roommate is handling the phone calls. I had to talk to an insurance person giving my statement on what happened. Here's the kicker, the insurance person said that normally in gas station accidents they try to split the fault 70/30 or 80/20.

What the FUCK?! This dude didn't look behind him and hit the gas and I could be 20% at fault. FUCK THAT! It's 100/0. What kind of corrupted industry could say it's someone's fault for being hit by some jack ass who doesn't look where he is going?! Oh yeah, the insurance industry. Sucking money out of people each month for years upon years, then when it comes time to pay out, they don't want to. Hey fuckers, I pay you well over $1,000 a year in vehicle insurance alone and you're too fucking cheap to basically give me my money back. Fuck you and your horse. Some day karma's going to come back and kick your ass.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Have you ever wondered who that person is who keeps emailing, calling, text messaging, etc.?

Yeah me too.

It's freaky. It's like that person knows me, but I have no clue who it is.

p.s. TEAM*JESS sucks

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Fuck the Twins!

Well, the cry babies finally got their way. The pack of whiners knows as the Twins are going to build a new stadium. Screwing up a lot of things.

1st off, the stadium is going on the cheapest parking lot near downtown. So now, because of the Twins, people will have to pay $2 more per day to park. Fuck the Twins.

2nd, they had to raise taxes to pay for the stadium. People now have to pay more money for beer to support the Twins. You would think a multi-million dollar franchise would be able to support themselves, but no, they need to take money way from good honest citizens to fund a stadium which will only be a headache to those paying the tax. Fuck the Twins.

3rd, Traffic is bad enough as it is downtown. Putting the stadium in its current location is going to make it even harder to get to and from that area of downtown. Not to mention the commuter train that's going in is taking away 2 or 3 lanes of traffic. Fuck the Twins.

4th, Bars in the area of the ballpark are going to be crowded as hell on game days. Which makes it harder to find a seat, order a beer and get the bill. Not exactly my idea of enjoyment in a bar. Fuck the Twins.

5th, there’s probably more, but I’m too pissed to think about them right now.

To summarize:
The Twins are fucking with my parking lot, my drinking time and my beer. AND they’re making me pay more for it. FUCK THE TWINS!!!

Side notes:
People say that with a new stadium, more revenue will be generated. Thus the tax is like an investment. Well, unless they buy me a case of beer or buy me a t-shirt I’m going to see nothing from the tax. Citizens aren’t getting a return on investment, it’s the government who’s basically taking our money and building a stadium, so they can get more money off of the people who go to the games. They already fuck you in the ass on taxes downtown, now there’s going to be even more. What a crock of shit.

You know what; I’m a pretty laid back guy. I don’t care if the Twins want a new spot to play a game. But when they start fucking with my beer, I’m going to get pissed. Those fucking guys make millions of dollars a year and they can’t afford a new stadium, so they make me pay for it. Well fuck you too. I want a new car. Every time a Twin takes a drink of Gatorade, I want 3 cents. 2 can play this game you bastards.

And do not get me started on the price of beer at games. You would think its liquid gold or something.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Black Eight

Alright all you poor bastards who want to spend a night drinking like you have a job.

Alright all you rich fucks who want to know what it's like to be a real person.

Go get yourself some Black Eight

It's basically a mix of OE 800 and Guinness. Drank in a 40 and enjoyed by people from all walks of life. TEAM*JESS can't handle the Black Eight, therefore I recommend it for everyone.

Join us DC Dan!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Gay Sauce

I know this girl. She palys WoW. gay sauce!

She is moving to Canada. total gay sauce!!

I made this bottle for her since she loves gay sauce!!!

TEAM*JESS created the logo. very "intune" with gay sauce!!!